Sunday, January 10, 2016

The Right Amount is Best

It is quite rare to find a playlist with a story to go with it. 

I'm fully kidding. Every playlist has a story, but most people don't really feel the need to elaborate on it in the self-focused way I do because most people don't have as much time on their hands as I do. C'est la vie! 

Life is pretty busy, what with rereading Confessions of a Shopaholic for the eighth time and obsessing over the absolute mastery Sophie Kinsella has over the chick lit world. But, somehow, I find the time. 

Yes, this is another playlist blog post. I am truly sorry if you don't like these or music in general, but really, who doesn't like some sort of music? I'm all for sitting in stony silence as much as the next person, but you have to draw a line somewhere. 

I've actually had this playlist since around sophomore year, and it's been a constant. Every couple of months, I will rediscover it and it will be like anchoring myself in a year I am very proud of. Not the sophomore aspect, God no. That was a social trainwreck. But there are points of sophomore year I don't think I'll ever achieve again. I have no qualms about saying that I had an admirable work ethic that year that I will never get back to (but that's okay). Why was I happy to spend 8 hours perfecting a 2 page essay? Only Mother Nature knows now. 

I had not really discovered certain parts of myself then. I hadn't worn makeup yet, I still had long hair, I wore mismatched clothes that were too tight, and I probably wore bad deodorant. But I think there is something pure in not discovering anything about yourself yet, you know? You're still just floating around, content to spend decades on an essay and watch Price is Right. I never rushed to finish homework so I could binge Netflix like I do now. 

I don't think it's a bad thing to binge Netflix, obviously, but sometimes I wish I still had the mental capacity to slow down and be that horribly obnoxious sophomore again. She WAS horribly obnoxious, but she was also a little braver than I am now, she was a little less too faced, and she was content with literally everything. 

So when I listen to this playlist, it's like being in her head for a little while, and everything becomes simple, but not too simple. This playlist has aged with me because I have found new meaning in these songs that I didn't really connect with back then. Notice how I'm not trying to say that I am any less naive now as I was then, and that the understanding I have of these songs is deeper than the understanding I had when I was 15. I am just as naive, if not more so, and my understanding is just different now. 

I chose to name this playlist "Lagom", which is a very weird word to those of us who are not Swedish. Lagom is a Swedish word that, I think, describes these songs perfectly. It does not have an English (I accidentally typed 'elvish' the first time I wrote this! I'm sure it has an elvish equivalent; those elves think of everything) equivalent. It basically means, "not too much, not too little — just right". I'm not sure what you would apply this to practically — Soup? Candy? Things that aren't food? 

But I think this playlist is lagom, if you will. It, like me in sophomore year, didn't try to be something it wasn't. I mean, I did, but I didn't have my heart in it like in my later years! I kept my true self, though I didn't know who that was yet, close to my heart. See, in my later years, I let my true self kind of drift away. I kept it tethered on a rope, obviously, but with a rope that long, you can lose sight of the object at the end. 

I've been trying to find out who that person is again, because apparently, I had a better grasp of it in sophomore year than I do now. Junior and senior year entailed a little too much soul searching, if that's possible, and it made it harder. I was trying too hard, and now, I think I need to slow my roll. And I think this playlist helps.

As the Swedish proverb goes, "The right amount is best."

I do hope you like it, and that is does something for you. Maybe as background music to fall asleep with or take a bath to, or maybe as a series of sounds to dance to in your bedroom when the stars are out. I chose all of them for a reason, and I can't really remember why for a lot of them, but I'm glad sophomore me had great taste in music.  

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