Thursday, April 25, 2013

You CAN judge a book by its cover

I always find it interesting when people say you cannot judge a book by its cover, WHICH IS COMPLETELY FALSE. I happen to know many people, myself included, that chooses their novels based 70% on the cover design! It would be lying to yourself if you said you didn't turn down the ugly Penguin Classic cover of Jane Eyre over the fancy hard bound leather. And the other 30% is based on how awesome the title is! A few months ago, I heard from Vlogbrothers about a book called  Ballad of the Whiskey Robber, which sounds so freaking pragmatic and incredible that I have dedicated all my time trying to persuade my library to order it.

Obviously, the cover is equally appealing.

And I understand that the saying is just a metaphor for human relationships and general anti-xenophobic, anti-stereotyping encouragement, but surely I can't be the only one that can't help but take it literally?

Speaking of books, I am in one of the greatest, yet worst, situations known to humanity: I have too many books to read. I just finished a physically painful WWII Auschwitz concentrations camp memoir called Night, which I was both sad and happy to be done with, and I'm also caught in literary limbo with this amazing book called Silver Linings Playbook, which besides the fanatic football references, is a delightful insight into the world of fragile sanity, therapists, love, and delusions of 'psychosis'. Next, I have to read Kite Runner, a required reading that people before me have seemed to enjoy, and about fifteen other books I foolishly snapped up at a thrift store. The stack sits there, haunting me, waiting to be read. All of them are chick lit however, and guilty pleasure books always fly by joyously, like eating chocolate cookies. Then there's The Book Thief, Brave New World, etc. until my brain implodes from culture overload.

I feel as though I will become completely broke by the time I finish my  list.

I don't REALLY need to eat, do I?


Sunday, April 14, 2013

It's Spring! Time for horrible decision-making and fail gardening!

 I know a lot of places still look like a snowman vomited ferociously all over them, but for the towns which are currently getting toasted under Over-Excited Sun (which should be a meme), Happy Spring!

Spring is the time for suddenly getting really interested and obsessed for things you usually hate, like gardening and exercise (only to drop it after the newness wears off). It is that one magical season in which Flu season blends with Allergy season, and spotting half-dead newbie gardeners with manic expressions who have no idea what they're doing becomes everyone's favorite pastime. It is when teachers and professors suddenly don't mind grading things because they can do it sitting outside in the silky breeze, so they throw caution to the wind and give students weekly quizzes (with no revision, because they don't like the outdoors THAT much, silly!).

Long story short, it's a majestical time filled with happy people going barefoot as long as they stay on plush grass, and most of all, Spring is an excellent reminder that I was supposed to get in shape before Spring. And I don't know about you, but once Spring comes, I wear spring dresses and T-sandals even if I have to walk to school in a blizzard, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING AND I WILL NOT WASTE IT JUST BECAUSE OF THE WEATHER. THE WEATHER DOESN'T KNOW ME. IT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH.

It also gives me the courage and insanity to be a functioning member of society, and I know the long-term commitments I am going to undoubtedly make this spring will be highly regretted come summer. For example, filling out a very extensive form to become a Junior Leader of my city. They have a section where you fill out all the extra-curricular activities you are in, and there are like twenty spots. I have two of said spots filled out at the moment, and to be honest, i'm not sure the Harry Potter fanclub even counts. And the other one is of a brief stint I had being an animal shelter volunteer two years ago for like a week before my parents had to pull me out, since, apparently, "I became too emotionally involved" with any animal I encountered. On the one hand, I agree, since my sanity would have been lost if even one of the animals had been put down or something while I was there, but on the other hand, do they really want someone who DOESN'T get emotionally attached taking care of the animals? Because I would rather have someone who wants to adopt all the animals she takes care of, than a raging sociopath.

They also want to have me write a little essay about a leadership experience I had previously. That's going to be hard, because the only leadership gig I had was on a Government class field trip, where I had to give a speech. I ended up choking, hyperventilating, and being led off the stage crying by my panicking teacher. So....should I just write that, and maybe they'll let me in on a pity-ride?

See, Spring gives me that kind of upbeat optimism which, unfortunately, lasts all year. So I am this constant whirlwind of annoying upbeatism, which flies about my school, knocking people down and making them fail at everything they try to do, because my optimism has a defect; it is permanent, it cannot be cured by antibiotics or chemo, and it is always accompanied by horrific embarrassment of you, or your family for knowing you.

But Spring, we still love you, because you're Spring! You jerk.

 




Funny Seasonal Ecard: It's a beautiful day outside according to this live webcam.
Funny Seasonal Ecard: May your devastating winter blues finally give way to your debilitating spring allergies.

Funny Seasonal Ecard: Spring is a time of growth, renewal, and intensive preparation for deadly natural disasters.















And, in case you ever have wanted to see what I look like in real life: