Sunday, January 6, 2013

How to make your day better (and is Edgar Allen Poe considered a celebrity to normal people?)

You ever have those moments where you're so bored that ripping out your eyes seems appealing? Of course you have, because you're human, and life can get really monotonous. The tips I am about to giv you should hopefully help you get through your everyday routine when said everyday routine makes you want to cry. And slap a puppy. Which, by the way, is NOT normal behavior. If you think it is, then I am judging you. Oh, look! A wonderful segue for what I'm about to talk about next in my list:


  • Find someone to hate. Seriously, if you don't hate anyone at your work or at school, then yeah, you need to find someone. It makes time fly by so quickly! I'll be sitting at my desk, making weird faces into the shiny surface of my pen like an idiot, then that thin twit from AP who goes to all the beer-pong parties will breeze in just as the bell rings with her albino-elephant-skin Gucci purse, and her perfectly flowing butter-shaded hair that you just know has to be extensions or a wig but you know it really isn't, and her spidery eyelashes made out of mink fur, and her scarf made by little thin children in the Swiss mountains out of yak hair and angel tears, and I just want to hit her with my AP textbook that I know we both have but she never seems to struggle carrying. Then suddenly it's 2:45 and I'm on the bus. It's like I black out. Should I be concerned, or should I just chalk this up as an important tool for passing time? I'll call it the latter.
  • Make up a scandalous secret about a stranger that you see everyday and pretend it's real and that you're the only that knows about it. Holy guacamole is it intertaining. If you're confused about what I'm talking about, which happens a lot so don't worry, let me give you an example from my exciting life: there is this one girl in one of my classes that I pretend is secretly a......no, that one is too mean, let me get another one. There is this one guy in my class that I pretend is secretly the real James Bond, and I figured it out but he doesn't know that I know and I'm the only one that knows. He probably thinks I'm a freak because whenever I see him I accidentally have this mysterious knowing smirk on my face and a slight head nod going on, but nevertheless, it's endlessly amusing.
  • Write one random word over and over on a piece of paper, then on your way to somewhere (going from one class to one another, personally), just put it somewhere, like on that little dry space on the water fountain. I try to do this at least every month. Two months ago, I wrote the word 'toothpick' over and over, then left it on the bathroom sink at my school. I try to disguise the writing, and th janitor is probably the person that always picks it up, but I like to think that it's the James Bond guy. 
  • Wear your craziest socks, then cover them up with boots or something, then sneak the fact that your wearing crazy socks underneath your boots into every conversation. Never let them actually check to see if you're telling the truth, though, to keep things mysterious. I'm not totally sure, but I'm pretty sure this is a sexy flirting move. 
  • Write the most complicated algebra equation ever. Each time you pull it out, add something, and try to keep it going for like the entire work week. For even MORE fun, save them all, then at the end of the  year, take them all with you to school/work and randomly dump them out on your desk and giggle. Thn give them all away as gifts to remember you by till next year. Repeat process until death.
  • Make a detailed plan throughout your day about doing something totally not normal in a cemetery, like a tea party. Draw all the dresses you and your guests will wear, all the teacups, the invitations you would send out, the celebrities you would invite (I always like to include Edgar Allen Poe; I'm sure he was a bag of laughs, and I'm also sure a tea party would do him good), and draw all the little crumpets and such. For even more fun, actually do it. Bringing a book by Mr. Poe is close enough.
  • Write a letter to Mr. Poe and send it later. The address is  519 W Fayett St., Baltimore, MD, 21201 (seriously. That is the address of the cemetary where he is buried.)
Go! Run free, my little rabid bunnies!! I set you loose among the general public to wreak havoc and make the world a gloriously better place, albeit a bit more mad. As in insane.

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