Sunday, August 26, 2012

Watch out, Scotland, I'm coming to take your men away

I was pondering the other day about what kind of sports I like. (Not to actually DO, but to watch. One like me doesn't simply DO sports). And, oddly enough, they are all foreign sports. Which I find to be puzzling. So I've created some lovely bullet points, AND A GRAPH, to make my point.

  • Why I like Rugby (my favorite) = *see below pie chart*

  • Why I like Football (really soccer) = because it's 10x more awesome than American football. And it's really easy for a slow person such as me to follow along, while still being entertaining. And I like the way they kick the ball. I'm sorry, but I find it to be sort of an aphrodisiac. Just like I find Rugby shirts to be an aphrodisiac.

  • Why I like Polo = NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH WATER POLO. I just like to see them riding around on horses, like an extreme form of croquette. Manly, British croquette. With big scary horses. And goofy helmets. It makes me laugh.
But seriously, I love European sports. They seem so much more fancy than other sports. And rugby........don't even get me started on rugby. Rugby is just so sexy to me. They're all Scottish and whatnot, and muddy, just running around and beating each other up. Then they go to some local watering hole and pat each other on the back while nursing their broken noses and locating their knocked-out teeth. *starts fanning myself*. It isn't THAT violent in professional rugby games, but in the ones that are just for fun between friends (which is what I'm talking about here), that's where things get real. And by real, I mean hardcore and attractive.

AND CHESS. OH LORD, CHESS. I didn't put chess up in the bullet points because I don't really classify it as a physical sport. It's a mental sport. Favorite physical sport is rugby, favorite mental sport is chess. If a guy mentions that he's on a professional chess league, then HULLO, he's got a stalker in me (said to the rhythm of 'You've Got a Friend in Me'). I love guys who play chess!! It shows he's got patience, brilliance, and drool-worthy long fingers (all chess players have really long fingers). If a man were to play both rugby AND chess, then.....then........*passes out from attractiveness overload*

Now. My graphs.

And some pictures of rugby players and chess players (all sexy)


and yes, I am aware that this is a painting. Even so, the dark-haired sir playing chess is immensely sexy.
So there you have it, folks. All you have to do to be attractive to me is: play chess, play rugby, and also: dress well, read books, have good hygiene routines, not be shorter than I, never wear shorts, never wear contrasting socks with shoes (i.e. black socks, white tennis shoes), like to eat strange things (but not TOO strange), not expect me to go out to parties, not smoke, not drink excessively (we are basing this off an over-21-year-old specimen), be willing to wear a kilt/top hat/ leprechaun vest for me ( I will be expecting nothing less than a British man), like fruit, look like that man in the painting, like animals, like horses but not force me to share his passion, have an ancestral castle to his name that we may live in and raise our children within.

But that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

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