Sunday, July 15, 2012

My love affair.....with Disney

So, I decided that I wasn't in the mood to complain about, like, pencils or something, so instead I will be talking all about Disney. YAY!!! Aren't you so excited???? I am.
When I was a little kid, I didn't get out of the house much (homeschooled, lived in middle of nowehere, etc.), so I would do my little diligent schoolwork (learning the alphabet was a piece of cake, not to brag or anything) then spend the rest of the day daydreaming about being in a Disney movie. My parents introduced me to all the classics like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty (my personal favorite), 101 Dalmations, Sword and the Stone, Aristocats, so on and so forth. And I wouldn't just pretend to be in the Disney movies, I acted like I was CONSTANTLY. I would be so dainty and princesss-y (still am O.O). But I didn't want to dress up like one, the frilly dresses were SO uncomfortable! So I just acted like one. It was a fun time.

I really love Disney. But to be honest, I like the old Disney better. No offense to Tangled or Princess and the Frog, but I hold a special place in my heart for those adorable fairies from Sleeping Beauty. I suspect it's sort of due to the fact that while I am quite feminist ("DAD. I CAN TURN ON MY OWN LIGHT SWITCH. GAWD."), I get pretty weird and judgemental when it comes to movies or books ("How dare she not make him a sammich???? That *female dog* -_-"). It's strange, right?? I think so too!

And another thing about Disney! Even though she isn't technically a princess, I think they should include Jane from 'Tarzan' in their little elite group. I even have a strong arguement for this: Jane fell in love/married (you know they did) Tarzan, who's adoptive father is Kerchak, the leader (king if you will) of the gorillas. Therefore, Tarzan is the prince of said gorillas. And if Jane were to marry said Tarzan, she would be the princess. Now, some would say that because Kerchak dies and Tarzan becomes the new leader (king), that Jane would no longer be princess and instead queen. But! In 'Tangled', it is stated in the epilogue that Rapunzel became a wise and fair queen, and she's still considered part of the club.

Oh, and do NOT even get me started on Aladdin. Let me explain: see, the reason that Aladdin rubs the lamp that releases the genie and starts in motion the entire plot, is because he sees some writing on it that is hard to make out (ergo, he rubs it to better see the writing). He even says "Hmm, there's some writing on this lamp, but I can't make it out--" *rub rub rub* *genie pops out*. I wrote to Disney about this matter very recently in a very formal letter on my new Disney stationery featuring Mickey Mouse and the gang. I still haven't heard back yet.

One final thing: In Beauty and the Beast, the ENTIRE VILLAGE doesn't read??? They think Belle is just SO odd because she likes to read. Yet they have a bookstore. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!?! I feel so bad for the owner of the bookstore/library thing, because you just KNOW that he does not get good business. And the fact that she reads is not just some quirk, it's some monumental flaw that is just SO glaring and wrong that the whole of the community dedicates their ENTIRE morning just to sing about it. Does this happen every time she goes into town??? If so, I would just go at night-time like a ninja, because who wants to be bothered like that on a daily basis??? I don't. I just think it's really weird. And also!!!: the prince turned into a beast almost a year ago, correct? So everyone else in the ENTIRE WORLD just forgot about him??? I mean, he had to be popular: he was a handsome prince, for God's sake! I would think that at least one person would get curious as to why the smoldering hot prince doesn't come to balls and operas anymore. And also, Mrs. Pots and her son Chip. She is an old lady!!! Why in the world does she have a five year old son?!?! Where is Mr. Pots?? And by the way, I expected both the Beast and Lumiere to be extremely hot, but that just did not go down. Lumiere looked he had %4 body fat and reminds me of Howard Wolowitz from Big Bang Theory, and the Beast/Prince just looks like an ugly, incredibly chiseled woman. He was almost too chiseled -.-

But my greatest woe over Disney would have to be Disney Channel. Besides 'Phineas and Ferb' (shown below)


There is only shame and sadness on that channel. It should be filled with Mickey Mouse shorts or a spin-off show about the lives of the seven dwarves after Snow White marries the Prince (I don't see how they survived before her. Grumpy had like an inch layer of filth on him, and Dopey is so mentally challenged....). NOT Hannah Montana.

Now, Enjoy these epic songs:





PS: Ever notice how thick Snow White's neck is? MWAHAHAHA I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A FLAW IN HER OVER-RATED PERFECTION.

PPS: I just realized how much time I spend on Disney as a whole. Almost everything I do relates to Disney. I have no life outside of Disney.*mind blown*

my 'Mind Blown' face.



3 comments:

  1. This made me lol so hard. My favorite was the Beauty and the Beast rant XD

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  2. Bahahaha. Good points, well made!

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  3. Actually, the prince was cursed for ten years, which raises its own set of problems. If the rose wilts on his 21st birthday, that means he was only 11 when he was cursed. What kind of "good" fairy would curse a kid (and all his servants) because he didn't let in a stranger in the dead of night? And why does the portrait which the Beast shreds look like an adult? Either it's someone else and there is some freaky family resemblance, or he was the strangest looking 11-year old I've ever seen.

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