Saturday, June 23, 2012

My circle of trust. You most likely aren't in it.

Today, Mother and I are hosting a wedding shower for my dear cousin Derick (who will not be present. come on, showers are for girls!) and his lovely fiance Andrea (who will be present. Because she is a girl).

I am nervous.

I hate it when strangers (or even not strangers) come to my house, because I'm always suspicious of their motives. I don't know why, but I always feel like they're going to do something horrible, like plant a bomb or murder my cat or something. So I end up being the awkward, creepy, buggy-eyed host who sits on the couch, does her duty but doesn't quite extend the hand of friendship. I have deduced that for the most part (and people who come to my house that I do not know/barely know, this is for you) this is what it's all about:


It's very simple: You are an outsider. In my house. Planting bombs in my herb garden. Killing my cats.

So as you can probably figure out, this takes a toll on my sanity. By the end of every party/get-together at my house, my nerves are FRIED. After everyone is gone, I just look around in an exhausted state and wait for the bomb to go off/find Lucky dead in a corner somewhere. And i ESPECIALLY hate it when mom has something planned for after the party (like today, my aunt and cousins are to spend the night here) and I just look at her with disbelief and ever-so slight amusement, like "Do I look like I can handle more?"

One time, I just couldn't bear the ordeal of it all. First, party in which Lucky went missing and I almost had a brain aneurysm until I found him chilling in the basement. Then, we had to clean up, which I had NO energy for. Then we had to go visit her friend who just had a baby; let me just say that only is my most chipper state can I handle an infant. Otherwise I'm like:


Then, we had to go and pick up groceries. Mom kept asking me if I needed something from seemingly EVERY ISLE. I was just like "gkgsldkglrieosrggeglkkjljikfhe....." and then she would be like ".....What?" And then, when we were almost home, she asked me which radio station I wanted to listen to (a seemingly innocent question) and was just like:



I wouldn't come out of my room the next day until one in the afternoon, then I could face humans once more.

I cannot wait for the shower to begin, so I can be like Suspicious Lizard here:



Only, I know they either planted a blomb or killed my cat(s). I know this.

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